I’ve got clips.

Yes, got ’em for free.

We’ve got red hot clips! Yes! Got ’em for free!

First up! It’s the other kind of football. Yes, the sport which uses actual feet.

In the following clip, Thomas Muller gives us his best Cristiano Rolando impersonation during a recent Bayern Munich practice. Now, if only Muller could score like Ronaldo.

 

Yes, it’s pretty dead-on because Ronaldo has them happy feet and the most goals scored in Champions League matches of all time: 80 if you were curious. Here’s a random soccer hype vine for your repeating pleasure.

#CR7Forever

#stackthatpaper

Now for the other kind of round ball. No, the other kind…the American kind. The kind in which grown men dose other grown men with gallons and gallons of artifically flavored and enhanced liquid hydrogen and oxygen.

Prince Fielder must either smell or have done something truly congratulatory to deserve such acclaim and quantities of moisture poured from Powerade coolers.

Sep 14, 2015; Arlington, TX, USA; Texas Rangers designated hitter Prince Fielder (84) is doused with water and Powerade by teammates second baseman Hanser Alberto (68) and second baseman Rougned Odor (12) after the game against the Houston Astros at Globe Life Park in Arlington. Fielder hit a game winning two run home run during the eighth inning. The Rangers defeat the Astros 5-3. Mandatory Credit: Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports
Sep 14, 2015; Arlington, TX, USA; Texas Rangers designated hitter Prince Fielder (84) is doused with water and Powerade by teammates second baseman Hanser Alberto (68) and second baseman Rougned Odor (12) after the game against the Houston Astros at Globe Life Park in Arlington. Fielder hit a game winning two run home run during the eighth inning. The Rangers defeat the Astros 5-3. Mandatory Credit: Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

He even got the blue kind. #baller

Now for something a little outside of your comfort zone and I’m not talking about this opening pitch from NCW.

 

I’m talking about this half-robbed home run that seemed to yearn for the freedom of the bullpen and the ledgers of baseball statisiticans across the known relams. I present to you this humble and unrobbed home run.

Watch.

And “bloop” goes the dynamite.

From the ball that got away to the ball that we had all along.

I used to play the old “where did the ball go” trick when I was a kid. My dog hated me. I loved that bitch.

 

But for the glory of manly facial hair, Evan Gattis wouldn’t have gotten this past third base. With it, he nearly took the cover off the ball with this one-handed swing.

 

I hear in the off-season he travels the Canadian Northwest with his favorite Ox, named Babe. Glory be to his whiskers.

But that is not my dinger of the week. That glory goes to this little mother-grabbing slash right at the heart of your very being. I heard that in some states Red Bulls Forward Mike Grella has to notify the local authorities that his feet are in their jurisdiction. #justsaying.

Ice. Cold.

Now for our long un-awaited fashion segment. And somethign to keep your feet kicking and stylish.

Would you wear these socks?

The previous generation had the “power tie.” I think our generation has power socks. And these new NBA themed pairs are prime candidiates for the next thing you exchange the green inked paper in your wallet for. But remember, as with the power tie the most important rule to remember is always wear pants to the meeting.

This is a slight departure from our usual travels back into sports history, but the Chuck Taylor sneaker is an iconic symbol of basketball and sandlot history. Looks like those grubby Socialists are trying to hit us with some of their flim-flam worker’s paradise rubbish. I wonder if they’ll be made in China like everything else we worship.

I’m not for trampling on anyone’s political beliefs, but when you start tossing knock-off Chucks around like they are some homage to a thrid-rate dictator in Latin America, you’ve got another thing coming.

Any body can knock off a pair of Chucks. It’s just rubber and canvas, but don’t you dare touch my Converse Aero Jams. What’s that Grandma? You got something to say?

Wait, now LL Cool J from 1995 has something to say.

And finally, Kenny Powers affirming that this was a good waste of your time.

Till next time, dollar, dollar, bills y’all.

@deepdfspicks