I suspect it was a simple oversight. Because everyone knows the Onion is not a “real” news website. Right? RIGHT?

I’m talking about former FIFA Vice-President Jack Warner’s recent rambling defense in which he cites an article published on The Onion.

Warner said, “If FIFA is so bad, why is it the USA wants to keep the FIFA World Cup? Why is it, they began games on May 27 — May 27, two days before [Blatter’s re-election]?”

The full story is accounted on the Washington Post website. A real newspaper. Mr. Warner! Also, dear Reader, Please shake you heads with caution because I wouldn’t want you to get a repetitive stress injury from reading this column.

In case you want further punchlines on this topic, I recommend watching John Oliver’s take on FIFA.

We live in the information age. We have full and uninterrupted access to virtually the entire world’s collective knowledge. We have the ability to not only read and comprehend the information, but ALSO confirm that information! A simple Google search would uncovered not only the nature of the article but also hat fact that the dates and subject!

It was Col. Mustard in the library with the SOCCER BALL!!
It was Col. Mustard in the library with the SOCCER BALL!!

The troubling thing is, Mr. Warner thought he was defending himself. Which reaffirms his delusion. In Fact, in the aftermath of the FIFA indictments and arrests the whole organization has not shown an inch of remorse. Sepp Blatter has even questioned the motives for the recent indictments.

Maybe it’s something in the drinking water in Switzerland. Perhaps it’s that chalice of arrogance these guys have every morning. Let’s not forget, Mr. Warner and Mr. Blatter did and do work for FIFA for a number of years. It’s possible the delusion seeped into their brains permanently.

You know what’s more frightening. Warner is a member of parliament in his native Trinidad. Yeah, he’s elected to public office. Here I am using my brain like a sucker.

Till next time, I’ll be walking around downtown with the “End is Near” sandwich board.