The newest Call of Duty (Black Ops 3) is set to release on Friday, and, per usual, it looks like another smash hit. There’s lots to like in this edition, especially if you enjoy jetpacks, laser guns, bionic super arms, and Seahawks RB Marshawn Lynch BEASTING on fools. A word to the wise though, he’s a villain in the game and very well could be coming after YOU…


Is it even possible to kill Marshawn in this game? I feel like that’s a big no AND after he takes you out he must have the greatest taunts in COD history. Either way I’m definitely intrigued to find out and gotta imagine it’ll only get crazier next year too. No reason to think Marshawn isn’t gonna TSwift SQUAD UP so I’m gonna do the same.

Here’s the Top 5 Athletes I want on my COD SQUAD next year..

5) Thor Björnsson aka The Mountain


Uhhh yea HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GUY? Easiest addition to a COD SQUAD ever. Granted he might stay old school and only bludgeon people to death but hey that still counts right? Definitely need a dude who’s a real life tank and can’t do much better than Thor. Also his name is Thor and that would be really cool to say over the intercom repeatedly.

Pressing the Right Thumbstick to gouge out enemy’s eyes FTW!

4) Russell Westbrook




Outside of Gilbert Arenas I don’t think you can find a better shooter in the NBA than Russell Westbrook. He has a high rate of fire and will run into any enemy position even if he’s outnumbered 5-1. And he would an invaluable asset as a trash talker too. Completely demoralizing the other team at all times with his mouth and his play… and his unholstered guns too.

I will add that if he’s not in that Bane mask, then he’s not on the Squad though.

3) Bill Romanowski


Uhh once again HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GUY? It’s been a few years since Romo terrorized the NFL but his style of play will live on forever (in infamy). One of the biggest keys in a Call of Duty match is having a guy who has absolutely no regard for his own life or the lives of others. Hopefully that means the other team but beggars can’t be choosers in war. Finding dudes that will run blindly into a trap and yell “GIVE ME MORE” when he gets shot don’t grow on trees.

They hang out in the Bay Area.

2) Evan Gattis

The Secret Agent. The Trashman. The White Bear aka Oso Blanco. Evan Gattis is man of many names and he’s also a man with giant forearms and a beard to match. Versatility is key when building a COD SQUAD and Gattis checks off all the boxes. Plus can you imagine how sweet it’ll be forearm bashing each other after a great kill? Also that beard makes him look straight outta Zero Dark Thirty.

That’s that intimidation on the battlefield I DO like!

1) Rob Gronkowski And His Brothers

Speaking from experience I can assure you, this is the #1 COD SQUAD you could ever assemble. How am I so sure? Well because I lived it. The Gronks compromise a perfect team of domination and their synergy is uncanny. Rob G captures all the flags, Chris G provides the cover fire, Dan G runs around bashing terrorists from behind, and Glenn G is the ideal distraction as a nonstop moving target. Those 4 Alphas plus me formed the best COD SQUAD of all time, so much so that we had to retire immediately for fear of breaking the game.

Rob has moved on to Halo 5 now but someday we will return…BETTER WATCH OUT FOR THE #1 BATTLIN’ PARTYROCKERS Y’ALL OHHHHHH YEA!!!