James Bond is universally hailed as one of the greatest action heroes/super spies to ever grace the world. With SPECTRE releasing in theatres today I thought it’d be fun to look back on all of the men to utter “Bond… James Bond” and really see how they measure up against each other.
No better way to do that than with DFS salaries and stats galore! Keep in mind these are my personal rankings but also keep in mind I scoured through EVERY 007 movie all week so I know way more about it than you… Da Da Da, Da Da Da, DA DA DA DA DA. BANG!
6) George Lazenby
There are endless reasons why George Lazenby is our only minimum priced Bond. Despite “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” being one of the most well liked Bond movies ever, it’s not because of Lazenby at all. Doesn’t fill up the stat sheet whatsoever and his quips weren’t even that good. After he throws a dude in a wood chipper his line is legit “That guy had a lot of guts”. Also hurts that he walked away from the role after only one movie… his agent told him spy movies “weren’t going to be popular”. 0 stars for wit, 0 stars for effort, and 0 Lazenbys in my 007 Lineup.
5) Roger Moore
Someone told me the other day that Roger Moore was voted the Best James Bond of All Time. WHO did that and WHY? If not for Lazenby’s terrible attitude and useless quips I would’ve had Moore as my lowest priced Bond. First of all, HE WAS BLONDE! In no reality do I EVER want to root for a sun-kissed James Bond, just doesn’t work (Daniel Craig excluded, I hate Roger Moore). Even more than that though is his stiffness and uncoolness. Never believed he could actually be an A+ seducer or pack some wallop behind his punches. Would’ve rather seen 7 movies with Jaws and Christopher Walken duking it out over the Golden Gate. I hate Roger Moore. FADE!
4) Timothy Dalton
Timothy Dalton got a raw deal and this is paying up for potential more than anything. Because of studio disputes Dalton never got to make his 3rd Bond movie. (Check out the documentary “Everything or Nothing Untold Story of 007) Even legends like Sean Connery and (gross) Roger Moore didn’t fully hit their JB stride until their 3rd movie! Dalton was convincingly dashing and had some of my favorite gadgets ever too. Plus he snow surfed down a mountain with a cello as his only weapon. Definition of boom or bust but I’ll take TD as JB anyday.
3) Sean Connery
GOAT, LEGEND, THE ONE. There’s no doubt Sean Connery is the best James Bond of all-time but best DFS Bond? Dr. NO NO NO. Took him a few years to really get his kills up and had A LOT of trouble actually sealing the deal with main villains too. His quips and his style were definitely what put him over the top and really crafted Bond into what he is today though. Unfortunately he only blew up one car, hated gadgets, and didn’t scale buildings nearly enough. His chest hair however is STILL undefeated to this day.
2) Daniel Craig
Ah the gritty, realistic, pouty Bond! Daniel Craig isn’t just about being the most relatable Bond either, he also LOADS up the stat sheet. Thanks to his intro in Casino Royale he building jumped more than any other Bond before him and his lack of stirring was NO joke. Craig was/is the drunkest 007 BY FAR and combined with his lethal kill count/endless sneering quips, he’s a Bond to be reckoned with. Adding SPECTRE to his player card may put him over the top but for now he remains #2. Skyfall. Done. M….
1) Pierce Brosnan
PIERCE BROSNAN YOU DA REAL MVP! Is there anything better on Earth than being a 90’s kid? Full disclosure playing Goldeneye on N64 factored heavily into this ranking and Pierce was the first Bond I ever knew. It’s not just recency bias though, Brosnan was no slouch in a tux. Perfect combination of vehicular warfare, over the top kills, wacky gadgets (and teasing Q), and some of the best quips I can remember. If Timothy Dalton was 99% how James Bond should look… Pierce Brosnan is 101%. Find me a better Bond, YOU CAN’T!
Think these Bonds should be salaried differently? Tweet me @devlindz and lemme know… Make sure to throw a quip in there while you’re at it! That sort of thing IS my bag, baby.