“I’m just here so I won’t get fined,” said Marshawn Lynch in the midst of a flurry of Super Bowl press seeking a sound bite or at least something to spare them the obligation of having to smell Coach “Belly-Chunk.”

Turns out, Marshawn Lynch isn’t as unsophisticated as the media paints him. He just filed for a trademark for his eloquent, succinct, and plainly stated turn of phrase that caught more fire than Richard Shermans’ critical exposition of the NCAA.

God Bless, Marshawn Lynch. I pray he runs a 100 more seasons. 
God Bless, Marshawn Lynch. I pray he runs a 100 more seasons.

According to ESPN:

“Lynch last week filed for the trademark to the phrase “I’m just here so I don’t get fined” with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

Lynch famously uttered the phrase as the answer to more than 20 questions on Super Bowl XLIX media day before walking off the podium.

“We heard from our fans and so many of them were saying that they wanted that phrase on the clothing,” Chris Bevans, who runs Lynch’s “Beast Mode” apparel line, told ESPN.com. “This is just listening to the marketplace.”

Slow Clap.

End the madness. End the Circus.

And give the man a contract along with a pass on EVERY MEDIA INTERVIEW FROM NOW UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

I want to interview Marshawn Lynch. I want to ask him one question. Over and over again.

“Are you here so you won’t get fined?” I would ask.

I know the answer. I want the answer. I want to ask it over and over again for forty-five minutes. And I want his trademarked answer again and again. It would be the most enlightening sports journalism piece in thirty years. We could break Twitter.

Think about it, Mr. Lynch. I’m down for a trip to Seattle.

Give it to me, Marshawn.

Wait. That did not sound right at all. I didn’t mean it that way. Well. Hell. If he can pull off a crotch grab while scoring a touchdown…IN A PLAYOFF GAME, then I’m going to have to give a tip of the cap to Mr. Lynch.

I’ll take a BeastMode cap signed with Marshawn’s now trademark-pending phrase across the front, “I’m just here so I won’t get fined.”

Slow clap, Mr. Lynch. You just punked us all. 

And, P.S. I’m serious about the BeastMode Cap…seriously…hook a brother up!

Till next time, trust your gut and follow me @deepdfspicks