Every top-performing athlete would likely agree, there’s only ONE important thing they need to stay at the complete pinnacle summit of their game. An absolutely relentless agent.

A close second is rest, and lots of it, and because these athletes put their bodies through SO much they really do need that next level recovery. If it’s not done correctly, their performance usually suffers greatly. At the end of the day, a missed cryotherapy session for them is just like misplacing the coziest slippers for us, and there’s no doubt comfort correlates to achieving DFS glory.

With that in mind, let’s check out the Top 5 ways to stay as relaxed as our elite athlete counterparts presented by UGG®!

5. CARB UP

Sure high school is over along with all those dreams you had growing up, but why should you forget about the best thing from that entire period? Team pasta dinners! No matter the school squad, everyone got together and shared al dente penne, a thousand liters of soda pop, and a giant trough of trifle if you were lucky. Why did they stop in college, and more importantly why have they stopped now?

Playing in the NFL on Sundays is probably hard, but I would argue preparing to watch the all-day affair is harder, and with a belly full of pasta on Saturday night I would certainly feel more confident about piledriving my buffalo dip into Timbuktu on Sundays. The lesson to learn here is pasta is GOOD, and encourages hours of delicious rest like no other.


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4. ICE UP

Athletes go to great lengths to preserve their bodies, sometimes even dipping themselves in pure ice-baths as if they’re trying to reverse-engineer some kind of Woolly Mammoth exhibit. The recent addition to this craze has been cryotherapy, which is really just a fancy word for “icemoney.” The results are questionable and the pain reprehensible, so I don’t really see where the advantages are here.

When I want to feel the clutch of the cold around my entire body I simply drop 2-3 icecubes in whatever drink I’m having, and usually that sends icy shockwaves through my head and into my soul. I can’t speak to its long-term healing effects, but one thing I do know is the Romans always said everything in moderation, and nothing bad ever happened to them. Forget the cryotubes baby, 2-3 ice cubes FTW!


3. Wear A Bane Mask

NFL: NFC Divisional-Seattle Seahawks at Carolina Panthers

I can’t fully explain this one, but apparently it’s been one of the biggest athlete crazes going since everyone watched Bane break Batman’s back in the 2012 masterpiece The Dark Knight Rises. I’ve never understood it, mainly because Bane’s mask was a weakness for him, but clearly these pro athletes know something I don’t.

It could be that this mask prevents you from absorbing any pasta in your vicinity, which would be a real bummer because I really thought pasta was the key to unlocking my entire athletic prowess. Regardless, it’s clearly a useful tool in some form, and could certainly help you with rest as you’d never have to figure out another dinner-party conversation starter again in your life.


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2. Don’t Ever Move, Ever

A magical key to finding ultimate comfort is the balance of mobility. For top-athletes, motion is their Graceland. They need it to survive like the air they breathe, and without it they’d probably be sitting behind a computer typing words and making up random rankings articles. I’ll give credit where credit is due, their movements work out pretty well for them.

(Stephen A. Smith voice) HOWEVER…

Do they even KNOW what it’s like to never move? I’m talking about literally opening up your eyes, shifting your body weight down the stairs to fall into your recliner, adjusting your cozy UGG® slippers, and then doing your best mannequin challenge until the last snap of Sunday Night Football is seen. If it was that easy, everyone would do it I guess, and unfortunately for the athletes, they have a lot to work up towards. Luckily for me, my recliner is a dear, dear friend…


1. Find Ultimate Comfort

I guess another way to title this section would be “Just Don’t Be An Athlete And You’re Fine,” but that doesn’t look as cool in big letters. Chiseled features and incredible slipper endorsements aside, it’s pretty clear that being an athlete STINKS. Even when they rest they’re somehow moving and even when they’re getting something awesome like a massage it’s done with icepicks or hot coals or some weird electrode no one wants near them.

It’s time we make athletes comfortable, and it starts with us setting the tone for what it means to really relax. Not all the bells and whistles and trainers and cyros, just the bare essentials. And by that I mean some burgers, some buffalo dip and my comfiest pair of UGG® slippers supporting my cause. Join me friends, I guarantee you won’t regret it!


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