I’m not going to sugar coat it. But I’m not going to dare make light of a season-ending injury to a professional athlete.

I honestly feel for Derrick Rose. And I feel more for Chicago Bulls fans.

Yeah...the look on his face pretty much says it all. Sorry Bulls fans and sorry Derrick.
Yeah…the look on his face pretty much says it all. Sorry Bulls fans and sorry Derrick.

I am also going to slap the sandwich out of your mouth if you think this raises the value of ANY of the rest of players of the Bulls. This is a team held together by duct-tape and prayers. And Chicago just lost its religion with the news recently reported by ESPN.

“CHICAGO — Bulls guard Derrick Rose has a torn meniscus in his right knee and will undergo surgery, the team said Tuesday. 

Rose reported earlier in the day with right knee pain. An exam and subsequent MRI confirmed the tear.

A timetable for Rose’s return will be determined once he has surgery, the team said. “

Timetable-schime-table. Que the Adidas commercial that aired years ago because Chicago just stopped breathing…again.

Savor this photo, Bulls fans. It's gonna be a while.
Savor this photo, Bulls fans. It’s gonna be a while.

Taj Gibson is out with a hammy.

Paul Gasol is healthy…for now. Just waiting for that voodoo curse to take hold when he plays down in New Orleans next.

Kirk Hinrich? I hear he’s currently reviewing plans for locally sourced vegan sausage line that is posed to take over the Midwest.

Joakim Noah. OKay, I could make a “you gotta be Joak-ing” joke here, but seriously he can’t carry this team.

The only upside is Aaron Brooks is going to get a serious bump in minutes.

Okay, Tony Snell. You got some serious upside.  But that is not going to save the Bulls’ season.

Chicago is currently third in the East. Like heating oil futures in March, I’m seeing a “downward trend.” And by downward trend I mean the kind experienced by bricks dropped into water. Good news for the teams on the outside looking in of the playoff picture.

Which gives me the perfect reason to link to my favorite YouTube video ever.

To illustrate, Chicago is right in the middle of the road when it comes to strength of schedule remaining. Thanks, DEADSPIN! (Okay, it’s a little dated, but for the purposes of this satirical column it works.) And we all know what happens when you walk in the middle of the road.

Wow, is it just me or is Daniel-sans’ voice REALLY  REALLY high pitched.

To help with the mourning of the remainder of this season for your Chicago Bulls fans, please feel free to put this on repeat.

Till next time, sweept the lick and follow me @deepdfspicks