Phillies Fans will soon be allowed to purchase and consume hard alcohol and wine while enjoying a baseball game at Citizens Bank Park.

Frankly, any visiting fans that go to a game there won’t make it out alive after the 3rd inning.

I believe the book of Revelations foretold of such and event. “Go your ways, and pour out the vials of the wrath of God upon the earth.” Rev. 16: 1. “And the first went, and poured out his vial upon the earth; and there fell a noisome and grievous sore upon the men which had the mark of the beast…” Rev. 16:2. I guess the mark of the beast could be a Phillies logo? Don’t blame me, I’m just the messenger. Citizen Bank Park? You’re the birthplace of the Apocalypse.

I guess they should post a sign, “No Pouring Out One For Your Dead Homies” in the parking lot.

Now, I know I’m going to get some hate-mail on this one. Mainly because those writing the hate-mail are going to be Phillies Fans. This exercise also implies that Phillies Fans KNOW how to WRITE! Let’s see what wickedness this way comes, as this is exactly why the SPAM folder was invented.

Swing batter batter! Swing batter batter! Swing batter batter! Swing batter batter! I'll take a scotch!  Swing batter batter!
Swing batter batter! Swing batter batter! Swing batter batter! Swing batter batter! I’ll take a scotch! Swing batter batter!

Yes, I realize that this column just turned into a Phillies Fan bash and for GOOD FRIGGIN’ REASON! You guys are some of the worst in the league!

My local team is the Washington Nationals. I get to go to a handful of games a year. Frankly, every other visiting team fan is cordial and engages in a lively banter that makes the game more enjoyable. Phillies Fans are the WORST. I’ve gone to the Zoo and had more constructive conversations with the Pandas than what I’ve experienced when seeing the Nats play the Phillies. The environment is so bad that I make sure none of my tickets are for a Phillies game. I’ve witnessed at least two beer showers, popcorn fights, and some ejections from the stadium. I can only imagine what they are like in their natural environment. 

I’m not saying it’s going to be impossible to enjoy the quiet calm of an afternoon baseball game in Philly for this season, but I will say the Phillies reputation as a rough and tumble sports town is about to get WWE all up in Citizens Bank Park when the Phillies begin to tank the season. And yes, they will very likely tank the season. Citizens Bank Park is going to become the Hotel California of Major league Ballparks – you may enter, but you will never leave.

Also, don’t forget, Phillies Fans, there is a new metal detector policy in effect for this season.  So, get ready for a frisk on the way into the ballpark! Personally, I’d stop off at the local church and get a protection blessing from a priest on your way to Citizens Bank Park this season.

As for a daily fantasy angle, I am definitely going to consider the ballpark environment and potential for some extreme heckling that will likely spew forth from the stands if my picks are playing in the city of brotherly un-love. 

Till  next time, steal home whenever you feel like it and follow me @Deepdfspicks.